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Thursday, August 22nd
I can't decide if my favorite is "Am I Double Parked by the Curbstone of Your Heart?" or "I Don't Know Whether To Kill Myself Or Go Bowling" or maybe it's "I've Been Roped And Throwed By Jesus In The Holy Ghost Corral" or perhaps "I Would Kiss You Through the Screendoor but It'd Strain Our Love". I could go on, but... you can check it out for yourself.
By: Some Nobody
Thursday, Aug 22nd 2002 (12:12am)
...And that's about it.
By: Dave
Thursday, Aug 22nd 2002 (12:07am)
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Wednesday, August 21st
The truth is, I would marry my Teledyne Water Pik Family Oral Irrigator WP-30 if I could. Thatís how much I love it. If I wasnít already married, and if I was an Oral Irrigator, or if the Oral Irrigator was a person, and not married, and if it was a woman, or if I was a woman, and it was a man, I think we would get hitched.
By: Dave
Wednesday, Aug 21st 2002 (12:26am)
I can't find my Magic Feather!
By: Dave
Wednesday, Aug 21st 2002 (12:13am)
Mystified by the new wonder drug LSD, the psychiatrist Louis Jolyon West and his colleague at the University of Oklahoma, Chester M Pierce, were looking for a new way to investigate the drug in 1962. They came up with an idea so outlandish it could only happen in the world of experimental psychology: Male elephants are prone to bouts of madness; LSD seems to cause a temporary form of madness; perhaps if we combine the two, they reasoned, we could make an elephant go mad. They gave the poor thing the equivalent of 3,000 human doses - naturally, it fell down, crapped all over itself, and died.
By: Dave
Wednesday, Aug 21st 2002 (12:13am)
By now, everyone knows about the RIAA's plan to 'hack' P2P networks and the people who use them. Apart from the insane double standard (it's ok for them to hack, but punishable by life imprisonment for others to do it), this poses an incredible security risk, one which the end-user's ISP could be held liable for. Because of this reasoning, northwestern ISP Information Wave is denying any access to and from the RIAA's network on its own network. This is a fantastic precedent that hopefully will inspire other ISPs to hop on board. Bravo!
By: Dave
Wednesday, Aug 21st 2002 (12:02am)
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Tuesday, August 20th
Man, what a useful tool - now you can gawk at Britney's breasticles, learn to understand your cats, and make ham soup all at the same time, thanks to Britney's Naked Cat-A-Phone! wo0t!
By: Dave
Tuesday, Aug 20th 2002 (12:17am)
Houston police arrested 425 people for criminal trespassing in a K-Mart parking lot (while it was open) and at the Sonic (also open) next door. Claiming curfew clean-up, they arrested everyone - whether they were legitimately shopping/dining or not - including many adults and a 10-year old girl who was eating with her dad. Everyone got to stay in the slam overnight without being processed or allowed phone calls. In a related story, every single lawyer in Houston just got a massive erection.
By: Dave
Tuesday, Aug 20th 2002 (12:11am)
Mankind is hurtling towards extinction once again - and this time, the culprit is tighty whities!
By: Dave
Tuesday, Aug 20th 2002 (12:11am)
Well, ok, you can't KILL them, that'd just get ya tossed in the pokey until the man can shoot ya up with Windex. What you need to do is HURT them, repeatedly, where it counts - their wallets. Check out this lovely page at overture.com, which provides links back to spam services as well as how much it will cost them each time you click through. Hell, some of 'em pay over 3 bucks a click! Make it your homepage. Click em all once a day. If enough people do it, their profits will all be spent on the very advertising you use to kill them!
By: Dave
Tuesday, Aug 20th 2002 (12:11am)
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Monday, August 19th
After a fantastic season and phenomenal post-season, the Arizona Rattlers literally had their asses handed to them on a plate by their hated arch-rivals, the San Jose Sabercats. Folks, this was a painful game to watch - Rats were shut out until deep into the 4th quarter.
By: Dave
Monday, Aug 19th 2002 (1:31am)
(more)   [Comments: 2]
It seemed as if everyone responded with joy when I pulled out my cellbaby cellphone. No longer was I scorned in the coffee shop or abused on the bus, everyone loved my cellbaby; "Oh it is soooo cute!" people would say with a big smile on their face. That made me so happy.
By: Some Nobody
Monday, Aug 19th 2002 (12:27am)
That I've lost my damn mind. And here is the proof!! Hollowood #10! It's like a milestone or something.
By: Scott
Monday, Aug 19th 2002 (12:17am)
Here's a list of cock stats for a couple hundred of your favorite popstars. Not surprisingly, Glenn Danzig is hung like an infant, and Paul Stanley has a goofy 'OH' face.
By: Dave
Monday, Aug 19th 2002 (12:06am)
Here's some boobies to help cushion the shock of another workweek!
By: Dave
Monday, Aug 19th 2002 (12:01am)
Sunday, August 18th
Aye, it's a mixed blessing of a Sunday, the Arena Bowl is on (GO RATTLERS!), but I'm also sicker than shit. With so much going on, we better get rolling on this whole Sunday post thing:

A gay guy is standing at the gates of heaven when he hears horrible screams of pain and torture coming from inside.

He says to St. Peter, "What's going on?"

St. Peter replies, "That's the sound of new angels getting big holes drilled into their backs for their wings and small holes drilled into their heads for their halos."

He says, "Heaven sounds terrible. I think maybe I'd rather go to hell."

St. Peter says, "In hell, you'll be constantly raped and sodomized."

He says, "That's okay. I've already got holes for that."

Yup, that was pretty bad. Anyway, here's all the holy links I've come across in the last week. Share and enjoy:
Jesus TieTheological ThermodynamicsJesus Addict Quiz
Oily Miracle HandsBreastfeeding JesusBands That Worship Satan
King Of The Jews for the King Of Beers
By: Dave
Sunday, Aug 18th 2002 (12:06am)
Saturday, August 17th
Ok, brace yourself for this one: the video for Leonard Nimoy singing the Ballad Of Bilbo Baggins. This one's a keeper!
By: Dave
Saturday, Aug 17th 2002 (1:11am)
True story - I once went to a doctor for some tests, and he walked me to the bathroom door and said "I need you to fill up one of those cups on the back of the toilet." I said, "From here?"
By: Dave
Saturday, Aug 17th 2002 (1:11am)
Baseball Players Union sets August 30 as the strike date. Good, strike away. Every time baseball players strike, the sport dies a little more. Hopefully this one will be the last straw and fans will finally abandon what I consider to be the Nanciest game on the planet.
By: Dave
Saturday, Aug 17th 2002 (12:05am)
Friday, August 16th
Where the hell was this when I was learning to fart years ago? I could have saved so much money wasted at Lulu's Tacos. Dammit.
By: chimpy
Friday, Aug 16th 2002 (11:59pm)
Sometimes you just want to amaze people with knowledge that is best left in your head. Ah, fsck 'em. Tell everyone about these Legendary Farts. You'll be glad you did.
By: chimpy
Friday, Aug 16th 2002 (11:56pm)
There's nothing I hate worse than giving a sexy line to a hottie at a bar... your eyes meet... she is waiting on your every word... and you can't remember an appropriate synonym for poop.
By: chimpy
Friday, Aug 16th 2002 (11:52pm)
Whip out your bootleg Photoshop and job up this picture!



Best one gets a prize. What is it? Dunno yet. Last time it was a mousepad. Faedra won it.
By: Dave
Friday, Aug 16th 2002 (10:24pm)
(more)   [Comments: 15]
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