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Thursday, July 11th
Plastic bags designed for committing suicide are to be manufactured in Brisbane and given away to Australians, euthanasia campaigner Philip Nitschke said on Tuesday. To avoid prosecution, Exit Australia will distribute the bags without instructions on their use.
By: Dave
Thursday, Jul 11th 2002 (12:15am)
Alleys vary greatly and, until now, there was simply no way to be certain that the one you've chosen to spend your evening in maintains a reasonable level of gothic charm.
By: Dave
Thursday, Jul 11th 2002 (12:15am)
Remember Brodie and TC's conversation in Mallrats where Brodie was talking about Lois Lane's inability to withstand sex with Superman, and how his super-load would no doubt blow out of her back like a shotgun? Well, I knew I'd heard that someplace before, when I was a kid I had read it in a short piece of prose called Man Of Steel, Woman Of Kleenex by Larry Niven. Thanks to this interweb thingy, here it is in its' entirety.
By: Dave
Thursday, Jul 11th 2002 (12:15am)
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Wednesday, July 10th
Of course, now that I work in an office where literally EVERYONE is rabid about golfing, I figured it'd do my career good to at least pick up a few golf tips - so now I know all the little tricks, like:
  • To get the most out of a Sunday afternoon on the golf course, be trapped in a loveless marriage to a shrill, clothes-obsessed witch you can't stand to be around.
  • When golfing with a female half your age, offer to "help her with her swing," standing behind her and steadying her hips while grinding your crotch into her ass.
  • For maximum golfing fun, get yourself a high-tech golf bag that shoots your clubs out automatically and plays Journey's "Any Way You Want It" at the touch of a button.
    By: Dave
    Wednesday, Jul 10th 2002 (1:06am)
  • Which Colossal Death Robot are you?
    By: Dave
    Wednesday, Jul 10th 2002 (1:06am)
    Ever wonder what your name looks like when written in Egyptian heiroglyphs? Sure you have! Knock yourself out!
    By: Dave
    Wednesday, Jul 10th 2002 (1:06am)
    Yep, Wonka Wednesday again! Take a gander at what makes Willy tick with Mein Kandy: The Life and Atrocities of Willy Wonka!
    By: Dave
    Wednesday, Jul 10th 2002 (1:06am)
    Think that Fabio is some kinda perfect stud muffin dude biscuit? Wrong! He's a pig!
    By: Dave
    Wednesday, Jul 10th 2002 (12:03am)
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    Tuesday, July 9th
    Harry answers the telephone, and it's an Emergency Room doctor.

    The doctor says, "Your wife was in a serious car accident, and I have
    bad news; she has suffered permanent brain injury, and will be mentally 3 years old for the rest of her life."

    Harry begins to weep quietly as the doctor continues, "She also lost all use of both arms and both legs, and will need help eating and going to the bathroom for the rest of her life."

    Harry begins to sob uncontrollably and the doctor, feeling his pain, chuckles and says, "No dude, I'm just fuckin' with you. She's dead."
    By: goofyfish
    Tuesday, Jul 9th 2002 (10:11am)
    There are a few things that just don't go well together. Ketchup and peaches would be one for my list and so would Star Wars and gangsta rap. This Flash adaptation of the Star Wars saga isn't a graphical masterpiece, but you gotta laugh as the Emperor and Darth Vader bust a rhyme while they plot to turn Luke to the Dark Side.
    By: goofyfish
    Tuesday, Jul 9th 2002 (6:09am)
    That's nuthin - check out some of the gems on the books here in Arizona.
    By: Dave
    Tuesday, Jul 9th 2002 (12:14am)
    One of the happiest fun-time websites in existence, Asylum Eclectica, has decreed this month's malady to be smallpox. Delightful.
    By: Dave
    Tuesday, Jul 9th 2002 (12:14am)
    Dogs are stupidly obedient, cats are intentionally standoffish, and birds are fucking thieves.
    By: Dave
    Tuesday, Jul 9th 2002 (12:14am)
    ...because she keeps forgetting to tell it to John Kane:

    Q: What did the deaf, dumb, and blind kid get for Christmas?
    A: Cancer.
    By: Dave
    Tuesday, Jul 9th 2002 (12:14am)
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    Monday, July 8th
    Koko The Talking Monkey, from your pals at threebrain.
    By: Some Nobody
    Monday, Jul 8th 2002 (9:27pm)
    Try to shoot Billy. Go on. I dare ya!
    By: Dave
    Monday, Jul 8th 2002 (12:17am)
    Using techniques and technologies popularized in the fictional book and movie Jurrasic Park, Really Big Lizards has actually cracked the genetic code and begun limited commercial breeding of a select variety of prehistoric animals.
    By: Dave
    Monday, Jul 8th 2002 (12:12am)
    Apparantly Esquire asked Gene Simmons, that paragon of compassion and selflessness, to knock out a quick page of advice and observations. Here's an example of what they got:
    I want more guys like Kurt Cobain and Jerry Garcia to become dried-up drug addicts and kill themselves. I totally defend all these rock stars' right to become heroin addicts and die. I want them all to die and get out of my way.
    By: Dave
    Monday, Jul 8th 2002 (12:09am)
    No Monday is quite complete without a monkey smokin' a pipe.
    By: Dave
    Monday, Jul 8th 2002 (12:09am)
    Sunday, July 7th
    Sundays are such a drag - gotta go back to work the next morning, gotta do laundry, gotta do the grocery shopping... apart from football (when in season), the only thing Sundays are good for is the weekly regurgitation of all the religious crap I've come across for the week. With that loving endorsement, let us commence:

    A nun gets on a bus and sits behind the driver. She says to the bus driver she is very ill and wants to experience sex before she dies. The bus driver agrees to accomodate her, but the nun explains that she can't have sex with anyone who is married, as that would be a sin. The bus driver says no problem, he is not married.

    The nun says she also has to die a virgin, so she will have to take it in the ass. The bus driver agrees again. Being the only two on the bus, they go to the back of the bus and take care of business.

    When they were done, and he had resumed driving, he said "Sister, I have a confession to make. I am married and have three children".

    The nun replies, "Thats OK. I have a confession too - My name is Ted, and I'm on my way to a costume party."

    nun gun fun

    Amazingly, I haven't turned into a smoking pile of lightning-bait just yet, so here's the links!
    The Truth About Hell | Church Fun | MessiahCam
    Sin Virus Warning | Nice Eulogy, Father | Christ Phone
    Satan's Dad | Priests Abuse Nuns | Church Lady
    By: Dave
    Sunday, Jul 7th 2002 (12:07am)
    Saturday, July 6th
    This just in: the Spanish Prime Minister, Jose Maria Aznar, can run 73 miles per hour!
    By: Dave
    Saturday, Jul 6th 2002 (12:15am)
    Independence Day is not just a celebration of our country's independance from England, it's also the annual occasion for dumbasses to fuck themselves up with explosives. Sure, I used to have roman candle fights as a kid, but at least I still have my FACE.
    By: Dave
    Saturday, Jul 6th 2002 (12:15am)
    Slap on your Lucha Libre mask, knock back some cheap gin, crank up the FHQWHGADS, and get down with your bad self!
    By: Dave
    Saturday, Jul 6th 2002 (12:15am)
    Friday, July 5th
    Ever see the movie The Fearless Vampire Killers? Classic camp all the way. Now you take some gay men with a love for musicals and sucking... and you get Dance of the Vampires! I thought they were trying to get this sort of X-Rated trash off of Broadway?
    By: Scott
    Friday, Jul 5th 2002 (4:39pm)
    And now's my chance to show the world. Through the Beef Jerky Experiment! "What the hell is the Beef Jerky Experiment", you ask? Well click the damn link and find out!
    By: Scott
    Friday, Jul 5th 2002 (4:17pm)
    Wednesday

    • School Nurse Day
    • Compliment Day

    Jan 24, 2018
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