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Sunday, June 16th 2002
Today we have not one but TWO things to celebrate: Sunday and Father's Day! In honor of my Dad, who has a wicked sense of humor but frowns on vulgarity just for shock value, today's religious joke is a tame one. Try not to look at the picture next to it, Dad. Happy Father's Day!

An old man walks into a confessional, and he says: "I am 82 years old. I have a wonderful wife of 60 years, many children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren. Yesterday, I picked up two 20 year old girls who were hitchhiking. We went to a motel where I had sex with each of them three times."

Priest : "Are you sorry for your sins?"

Old man : "What sins?"

Priest : "What kind of a Catholic are you?"

Old man : "I'm not Catholic, I'm Jewish."

Priest : "Then why are you telling me all this?"

Old man : "I'm telling everybody."

And now, on to the sacred linkitude!
Satan Doo | Holy Trinity To Break-Up | PeTA Christ
Beatles/Satan Connection | Blasphemous Clipart | Atheist Parents
FFRF Quiz | Church of Spongebob Squarepants | Toast Bible
By: Dave
Sunday, Jun 16th 2002 (12:12am)
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Saturday, June 15th 2002
That's right, it's here and so far from queer you can smell the sweat through your monitor! Get up on it and dance with it, baby! Hollowood is here!
By: Scott
Saturday, Jun 15th 2002 (10:49am)
Technically this should be in 'cuisine', but it's just too damn nasty to describe any other way. Placenta Recipes. Enjoy.
By: Dave
Saturday, Jun 15th 2002 (12:38am)
If you travel a lot, you've no doubt noticed the ludicrous scrutiny you must go through to get on a plane these days - that's why you should carry The Bill of Rights Security Edition. You need to get used to offering up the bill of rights for inspection and government workers need to get used to deciding if you'll be allowed to keep the Bill of Rights with you when you travel.
By: Dave
Saturday, Jun 15th 2002 (12:38am)
WHY LEAN TOAST? One might equally ask "Why breathe?", "Why live?" or "Why exist?". To cool toast with such joyous efficiency is to take delight in each crunchy bite, each crisp morsel, and repel the evils of toast with a soggy underside or sodden with molten margarine.
By: Dave
Saturday, Jun 15th 2002 (12:38am)
Resuscitating A Drowning Cat. Essential knowledge for the feline enthusiast.
By: Dave
Saturday, Jun 15th 2002 (12:38am)
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Friday, June 14th 2002
And just what in the hell is THIS thing?
By: Dave
Friday, Jun 14th 2002 (12:30am)
Somebody care to tell me what the hell is going on with this website? After looking at it for a couple of minutes, I had to go lie down for a while to regain my composure.
By: Dave
Friday, Jun 14th 2002 (12:30am)
If you have to stomp on the floor to pinch out a loaf, pound down a pile of kiwi fruit and you'll be spray painting the bowl in no time!
By: Dave
Friday, Jun 14th 2002 (12:30am)
Some good samaritan has tackled the issue that faces nearly all modern blind people: how can you appreciate internet smut? Porn For The Blind!
By: Dave
Friday, Jun 14th 2002 (12:30am)
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Thursday, June 13th 2002
Did you know that there's a small tube that runs from the uppermost point of the inside of the foreskin, through the body cavity, and out the intestine? It's true! This can be demonstrated -- nothing up my sleeve! -- by tucking a small handkerchief up inside a foreskin, massaging gently, and then removing it from the rear.
By: Dave
Thursday, Jun 13th 2002 (12:16am)
MTV, the Hard Rock Hotel, and Ashton Kutcher (better known as Kelso from That 70's Show and other intellectual endeavors) have REALLY fucked up - to the tune of 120 million bucks or so. How? Like this. Good goin, guys.
By: Dave
Thursday, Jun 13th 2002 (12:11am)
I noticed from yesterday's posts that Cartoon Network is going to start cranking out new He-Man cartoons, complete with Skeletor... which is probably a good thing, since old boney-face can't seem to hold a job.
By: Dave
Thursday, Jun 13th 2002 (12:10am)
I don't mind bugs, including spiders, but the thought of one living in my ear just wigs the shit out of me.
By: Dave
Thursday, Jun 13th 2002 (12:10am)
Wednesday, June 12th 2002
Cartoon Network is feeding our inner child one revamped toon at a time. Coming August 16th, you will hear him say once again, "By the power of Grayskull, I have the power!". And you'll need RealPlayer to view the clip. ;)
By: Scott
Wednesday, Jun 12th 2002 (12:19am)
I've always thought that cybersex was pathetically ridiculous, but in the right hands, an IM cyber session can turn into the funniest damn thing you'll read all week. Meet Amber Forever, a supposed 14-year-old girl who takes on the webpervs and cranks out pure comedy gold. BraVO!
By: Dave
Wednesday, Jun 12th 2002 (12:19am)
Oh man, this guy is my new favorite filmmaker. Sorry, Kev.
By: Dave
Wednesday, Jun 12th 2002 (12:19am)
When umbrellas are outlawed, only outlaws will have umbrellas.
By: Dave
Wednesday, Jun 12th 2002 (12:19am)
Introducing the Jacuzzi La Scala, a full-featured jacuzzi adorned with a 42" plasma flat-screen TV, and a floating remote. This is SO much nicer than the bucket with the 9" B/W TV that I use.
By: Dave
Wednesday, Jun 12th 2002 (12:19am)
Tuesday, June 11th 2002
Hello darkness, my old friend
I've come to talk with you again
Because a vision softly creeping
Left its seeds while I was sleeping
And the vision that was planted in my brain, still remains
Within the sound of meat.
By: Dave
Tuesday, Jun 11th 2002 (12:27am)
Her name is Pinky. Pinky is a homeless deaf mute. But that's ok, I still love her all the same. I'll never forget the brisk March morning when i found her sleeping in a dumpster behind a adult toy store, while i was searching for aluminum cans and something to eat.
By: Dave
Tuesday, Jun 11th 2002 (12:27am)
The federal government spent $62 million on a building to store and treat low-level radioactive waste at a California nuclear weapons laboratory, then decided the structure wasn't secure enough.

So where is the waste kept now? Under tents, just outside the building. Yet another prime example of your tax dollars at work.
By: Dave
Tuesday, Jun 11th 2002 (12:27am)
Fuck the Sims! Osbournes!
By: Dave
Tuesday, Jun 11th 2002 (12:02am)
Monday, June 10th 2002
... of a drug called porn.
What's the worst that can happen... blindess and chaffing?
By: chimpy
Monday, Jun 10th 2002 (8:02pm)
Saturday

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