Saturday, June 15th 2002
If you travel a lot, you've no doubt noticed the ludicrous scrutiny you must go through to get on a plane these days - that's why you should carry The Bill of Rights Security Edition. You need to get used to offering up the bill of rights for inspection and government workers need to get used to deciding if you'll be allowed to keep the Bill of Rights with you when you travel.
WHY LEAN TOAST? One might equally ask "Why breathe?", "Why live?" or "Why exist?". To cool toast with such joyous efficiency is to take delight in each crunchy bite, each crisp morsel, and repel the evils of toast with a soggy underside or sodden with molten margarine.
Friday, June 14th 2002
Thursday, June 13th 2002
Did you know that there's a small tube that runs from the uppermost point of the inside of the foreskin, through the body cavity, and out the intestine? It's true! This can be demonstrated -- nothing up my sleeve! -- by tucking a small handkerchief up inside a foreskin, massaging gently, and then removing it from the rear.
Thursday, Jun 13th 2002 (12:16am)
MTV, the Hard Rock Hotel, and Ashton Kutcher (better known as Kelso from That 70's Show and other intellectual endeavors) have REALLY fucked up - to the tune of 120 million bucks or so. How? Like this. Good goin, guys.
Thursday, Jun 13th 2002 (12:11am)
I noticed from yesterday's posts that Cartoon Network is going to start cranking out new He-Man cartoons, complete with Skeletor... which is probably a good thing, since old boney-face can't seem to hold a job.
Thursday, Jun 13th 2002 (12:10am)
Wednesday, June 12th 2002
Cartoon Network is feeding our inner child one revamped toon at a time. Coming August 16th, you will hear him say once again, "By the power of Grayskull, I have the power!". And you'll need RealPlayer to view the clip. ;)
Wednesday, Jun 12th 2002 (12:19am)
I've always thought that cybersex was pathetically ridiculous, but in the right hands, an IM cyber session can turn into the funniest damn thing you'll read all week. Meet Amber Forever, a supposed 14-year-old girl who takes on the webpervs and cranks out pure comedy gold. BraVO!
Tuesday, June 11th 2002
Hello darkness, my old friend
I've come to talk with you again
Because a vision softly creeping
Left its seeds while I was sleeping
And the vision that was planted in my brain, still remains
Within the sound of meat.
Her name is Pinky. Pinky is a homeless deaf mute. But that's ok, I still love her all the same. I'll never forget the brisk March morning when i found her sleeping in a dumpster behind a adult toy store, while i was searching for aluminum cans and something to eat.
The federal government spent $62 million on a building to store and treat low-level radioactive waste at a California nuclear weapons laboratory, then decided the structure wasn't secure enough.
So where is the waste kept now? Under tents, just outside the building. Yet another prime example of your tax dollars at work.
Monday, June 10th 2002
Presiding over a memorial service commemorating the victims of the attack on the Death Star, the Emperor declared that while recent victories over the Rebel Alliance were "encouraging, the War on Terror is not over yet."
Monday, Jun 10th 2002 (12:18am)
Ready Player One (2018)
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