Wednesday, September 4th 2002
Take a trip to the post office.
By: Dave
Wednesday, Sep 4th 2002 (12:06am)
While Keiko the killer whale frolicked in a western Norwegian fjord Tuesday, a local whale expert warned that Keiko may not survive the winter. If he doesn't detach himself from humans soon, it may be best to destroy him, he said. Nice sentiment, killing the whale 'for his own good', but I suspect the REAL reason they want him dead is because he's fucking up the local salmon industry.
By: Dave
Wednesday, Sep 4th 2002 (12:01am)
Tuesday, September 3rd 2002
Harry Potter Nimbus 2000 Broom - this toy was #1 on my daughter's Christmas list. So what the heck, although it has no educational value I figured it would be good for imaginative play. It wasn't until after she opened her gift and started playing with it that I realized that the toy may offer a more than sensational experience. The broomstick has cute sound effects and ***VIBRATES*** when they put it between their legs to fly. Come on---what were the creators of this toy thinking? She'll keep playing with the Nimbus 2000, but with the batteries removed.
By: Some Nobody
Tuesday, Sep 3rd 2002 (4:10pm)
I've worked with some people who had the worst diets in the world. This food would eventually take it's toll on their digestive track and I'd be subjected to ass gass clouds that would make me tear up like a lost 4-year-old in a mall.

If only I had access to a Fart Filter. Life would have been so much better.
By: chimpy
Tuesday, Sep 3rd 2002 (1:55pm)
The Salinas Fire Department's administration center caught fire Wednesday night. Firefighters quickly put out the blaze, but not before parts of the building suffered significant smoke damage. The twist? The structure didn't have any sprinkler, alarm or smoke detection systems.
By: Dave
Tuesday, Sep 3rd 2002 (12:12am)
For years, Dr. Cunning has been known by many as "The Dentist to the Stars," but it was not until one of the Mega-Stars asked for a sparkling set of golden teeth with diamonds, that he acquired the nickname "Rapper Dentist Daddy".
By: Dave
Tuesday, Sep 3rd 2002 (12:06am)
Impress the ladies with your culinary skills when you present them with a stylish, nutritious serving of Underpant Toast!
By: Dave
Tuesday, Sep 3rd 2002 (12:03am)
Monday, September 2nd 2002
Odd, I thought Napster was dead long ago. Wait until Metallica hears of this!
By: Scott
Monday, Sep 2nd 2002 (2:43pm)
Forty-nine percent of Americans believe the First Amendment goes too far and is impeding the government's effort in the war against terrorists, according to a new poll by the University of Connecticut's Center for Survey Research and Analysis conducted for the Arlington, VA-based First Amendment Center.
By: Scott
Monday, Sep 2nd 2002 (1:39pm)
A fire still burned at the Kingsford Charcoal Plant Friday. Fire crews said the plant, on U.S. 27 just south of Burnside, had been burning since about 5:00 pm the evening before.
By: Dave
Monday, Sep 2nd 2002 (8:11am)
Life would be so much better if you ladies could just follow instructions.
By: Scott
Monday, Sep 2nd 2002 (12:33am)
Of course! It's Labor Day, where ya celebrate work by not going to work! If ya just can't stand the thought of taking a weekday off, go to Sim Work instead!
By: Dave
Monday, Sep 2nd 2002 (12:25am)
Whether you're a grade-A Star Wars dweeb or not, cruising to the malt shop in this custom Land Speeder is sure to score you some leg.
By: Dave
Monday, Sep 2nd 2002 (12:12am)
Being casketed or creamated may be neat and tidy, but if you truly want to be a part of the 'circle of life' then head on over to Vulture Corpse Inc, where you can be crucified and returned to the ecology via nutrient-rich vulture shit.
By: Dave
Monday, Sep 2nd 2002 (12:07am)
A 23-year-old man, who was riding in a van and opening the slide door to throw rocks at mailboxes and cars, fell out of the van and died. Big loss.
By: Dave
Monday, Sep 2nd 2002 (12:01am)
Sunday, September 1st 2002
Big deal.

I mean, oily palms? As a teen, I had oily palms all the time… didn’t you? Anyway, what's a little minor stigmata compared to the majesty of the Milwaukee Jesus Tree?
By: goofyfish
Sunday, Sep 1st 2002 (12:17am)
Well, here we are with yet another Sunday, and yet another Sunday update. This is all the religious crap I've stumbled across in the past week while hunting down linkage for the site, conveniently stored and packaged for this: The Holy Post.

Little Tommy was doing very badly in math. His parents had tried everything; tutors, flash cards, special learning centers, in short, everything they could think of. Finally in a last ditch effort, they took Tommy down and enrolled him in the local Catholic School.

After the first day, little Tommy comes home with a very serious look on his face. He doesn't kiss his mother hello. Instead, he goes straight to his room & starts studying. Books & papers are spread out all over the room and little Tommy is hard at work. His mother is amazed. She calls him down to dinner and to her shock, the minute he is done he marches back to his room without a word and in no time he is back hitting the books as hard as before. This goes on for sometime, day after day while the mother tries to understand what made all the difference.

Finally, little Tommy brings home his report card. He quietly lays it on the table and goes up to his room and hits the books. With great trepidation, his mom looks at it and to her surprise, little Tommy got an A in math. She can no longer hold her curiosity. She goes to his room and says: "Son, what was it? Was it the nuns?"

Little Tommy looks at her and shakes his head "No".

"Well then", she replies, "was it the books, the discipline, the structure, the uniforms, WHAT was it?".

Little Tommy looks at her and says, "Well, on the first day of school, when I saw that guy nailed to the plus sign, I knew they weren't fooling around."

Oh lordy, that was terrbile. Here, have some links to inspire you throughout the day:
Pope Poop · Christian Parody Band · Rapture Ready
Areaology · Godcore · Extreme Teen Bible
God Squad · Inflatable Church · Pig Latin Bible
By: Dave
Sunday, Sep 1st 2002 (12:17am)
Saturday, August 31st 2002
Hollowood Returns! It's like Batman Returns, but with less latex and no Danny Devito.
By: Scott
Saturday, Aug 31st 2002 (4:06pm)
What happens when a fan tries to sell tickets to a game they won't be able to attend? The team gets him into a car crash that sends him to the hospital for two days. That'll show you, buddy.
By: Scott
Saturday, Aug 31st 2002 (4:03pm)
If you're gonna play the market, you may as well invest in stocks that are going somewhere. Grab your portfolio and head on over to the Vice Fund.
By: Dave
Saturday, Aug 31st 2002 (12:06am)
You just never know what's going on next door - could be a meth lab, could be an illegal dentistry practice.
By: Dave
Saturday, Aug 31st 2002 (12:06am)
Friday, August 30th 2002
Whip out your bootleg Photoshop and invent a new brand of cereal!

If you'd like a different blank box, try this one.

Best one gets a prize. What is it? Dunno yet. Last time it was a stack of lime-green multi-lingual TRASH stickers. Madkow won it.
By: Dave
Friday, Aug 30th 2002 (10:49am)
(more)   [Comments: 13]
For those who were truly saddened by the loss of the TLC band member Lisa "Left Eye", or for those who are just cruel, this is your chance to save her life.
By: faedra
Friday, Aug 30th 2002 (8:32am)
Mystery Link
click at your own risk
Survey Says

Best Jets?

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