Friday, July 12th 2002
No kidding - the Time Travel Fund will bank your membership, and thanks to compound interest rates, when the technology is available the fund wil pay big bucks to bring you back to the future - and you should have PLENTY left over for living expenses. After all, 1 dollar at 5% interest over 500 years comes out to, oh, about 40 billion dollars.
Friday, Jul 12th 2002 (12:45am)
After all, they don't even let the intensely strict anti-drug laws slow them down - they'll pack their noses with cow shit and styrofoam just to cop a buzz. Those nutty Maylaysians!
Friday, Jul 12th 2002 (12:02am)
Thursday, July 11th 2002
Plastic bags designed for committing suicide are to be manufactured in Brisbane and given away to Australians, euthanasia campaigner Philip Nitschke said on Tuesday. To avoid prosecution, Exit Australia will distribute the bags without instructions on their use.
Remember Brodie and TC's conversation in Mallrats where Brodie was talking about Lois Lane's inability to withstand sex with Superman, and how his super-load would no doubt blow out of her back like a shotgun? Well, I knew I'd heard that someplace before, when I was a kid I had read it in a short piece of prose called Man Of Steel, Woman Of Kleenex by Larry Niven. Thanks to this interweb thingy, here it is in its' entirety.
Wednesday, July 10th 2002
Of course, now that I work in an office where literally EVERYONE is rabid about golfing, I figured it'd do my career good to at least pick up a few golf tips - so now I know all the little tricks, like:
Tuesday, July 9th 2002
Harry answers the telephone, and it's an Emergency Room doctor.
The doctor says, "Your wife was in a serious car accident, and I have
bad news; she has suffered permanent brain injury, and will be mentally 3 years old for the rest of her life."
Harry begins to weep quietly as the doctor continues, "She also lost all use of both arms and both legs, and will need help eating and going to the bathroom for the rest of her life."
Harry begins to sob uncontrollably and the doctor, feeling his pain, chuckles and says, "No dude, I'm just fuckin' with you. She's dead."
Tuesday, Jul 9th 2002 (10:11am)
There are a few things that just don't go well together. Ketchup and peaches would be one for my list and so would Star Wars and gangsta rap. This Flash adaptation of the Star Wars saga isn't a graphical masterpiece, but you gotta laugh as the Emperor and Darth Vader bust a rhyme while they plot to turn Luke to the Dark Side.
Tuesday, Jul 9th 2002 (6:09am)
Monday, July 8th 2002
Using techniques and technologies popularized in the fictional book and movie Jurrasic Park, Really Big Lizards has actually cracked the genetic code and begun limited commercial breeding of a select variety of prehistoric animals.
Monday, Jul 8th 2002 (12:12am)
Apparantly Esquire asked Gene Simmons, that paragon of compassion and selflessness, to knock out a quick page of advice and observations. Here's an example of what they got:
I want more guys like Kurt Cobain and Jerry Garcia to become dried-up drug addicts and kill themselves. I totally defend all these rock stars' right to become heroin addicts and die. I want them all to die and get out of my way.
Monday, Jul 8th 2002 (12:09am)
Lucifer: The Complete Third Season (2017)
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