"Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl."
The priest , "Is that you, little Joey Pagano?"
"Yes, Father, it is."
"And who was the girl you were with?"
"I can't tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation."
"Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?"
"I cannot say."
"Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?"
"I'll never tell."
"Was it Nina Capelli?"
"I'm sorry, but I cannot name her."
"Was it Cathy Piriano?"
"My lips are sealed."
"Was it Rosa DiAngelo, then?"
"Please, Father! I cannot tell you."
The priest sighs in frustration. "You're very tight lipped, and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself."
Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers, "What'd you get?"
"Four months vacation and five good leads..."
And with that, I leave you with a shitload of fun images.
Thursday, Aug 9th 2018 (12:00am)
...maybe don't let the scripture-quoting stuffed animal be your lawyer when fighting for custody of your kid. Just something to consider.
This can apply to believers also. If you're just hoping that by happenstance your little loved one is going to be a genius, the odds are long and the days are short.
Give the little bugger a head start. Here's one short of a dozen ideas to get them to a great thinking stage.
Thursday, Apr 19th 2018 (12:00am)
Before the church went viral, it had purpose.
The initial goal of the religion was to prove that creationism should not be taught in public schools.
Read on, and r'amen.
Saturday, Feb 17th 2018 (12:01am)
The Order Of Elijah is a deathcore band from Joplin, Missouri, who, up until about a week ago, was a Christian metal band. To the group's credit, though not in the same genre, metal has had fantastic Christian metal groups in the past (Extol comes to mind), so we'll leave the whole "can Jesus metal rule?" debate out of this. I'm sure you're also noticing that I keep referring to the band's belief in God in the past tense… which is accurate.
Wednesday, Jan 17th 2018 (12:00am)
While restoring an 18th century statue, Spanish historians found what appears to be a makeshift time capsule in an unlikely place - the buttocks of a statue. Two handwritten letters, yellow with age, were inside. They're dated from 1777 and signed by Joaquín Mínguez, a chaplain from the Burgo de Osma cathedral.
An unfortunate design where there is a little boy kneeling and a priest offering a small loaf of bread from under his robe seems a little bit offensive.
Wednesday, Nov 29th 2017 (9:57pm)
Disgraced televangelist Jim Bakker stoked fears of presidential assassination while claiming that the grandchildren of his audience could face eternal damnation unless they call a 1-888 phone number and send him $60 (plus shipping) for a bucket of pancake mix.
Monday, Nov 20th 2017 (12:01am)
Pope Francis is known for his modest taste in transportation, eschewing his "Popemobile" for a small, black Fiat 500. So when Lamborghini handed him a papal gold-and-white Huracan, there was little chance that Vatican City natives would see the pontiff performing doughnut in St. Peter's Square. Instead, he is to auction off the luxury sports car to raise money for charity, specifically to help Christian communities devastated by the Islamic State militant group in Iraq.
Big in the news is that the Boy Scouts of America will allow girls to join starting next year. It's been a while since we've seen some NSFW Bullshit clips here.
Time to remedy that.
Bullshit Morormons and Boy Scouts -and- Atheist Scouts (with subtitles en Espanol, no less).
Thursday, Oct 12th 2017 (12:06am)
I wonder if they praised God for His blessings.
LISBON, Portugal -- Portuguese authorities said Tuesday that at least 12 people were killed when they were crushed by a falling tree on the island of Madeira.
Government official Pedro Ramos said 52 others were injured in the accident near the island capital of Funchal.
The tree fell while a large crowd was gathered as part of a traditional religious festival. The Nossa Senhora do Monte festival is the island's biggest annual festivity.
Tuesday, Aug 15th 2017 (11:57am)
There are reasons that samples from the natural resource are restricted from collection, chief amongst them is that we don't want every nut job to strip this national treasure of them.
As an update to this story first reported in May, the National Park Service is allowing creationist Dr. Andrew Snelling to conduct his work.
Sunday, Jul 2nd 2017 (12:00am)
This is not a religious order, like perhaps how nuns are married to the Catholic church. No, this was quite different. Three women married Jesus last Saturday in the Archdiocese of Detroit.
Truth is stranger than fiction.
Saturday, Jul 1st 2017 (12:01am)
A man severely damaged a monument of the Ten Commandments in Arkansas.
Now comes the crazy part. The vandal was a White Christian.
Second report here.
Wednesday, Jun 28th 2017 (4:56pm)
Ready Player One (2018)
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