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HOLLOWOOD 08/10/02
by Scott, 11/30/-1

News - Trailers - TV Report - MSOTW

Holy crap! Where have I been? Eating jerky, fool. I took a month long sabbatical from my writing duties on Hollowood to dedicate myself to the Beef Jerky Experiment. But now that it is over, here I am again. Bringing you the latest in Hollywood news and gossip.

One slight change to our format here. Instead of suggesting songs for you all to listen to I have decided to turn that section into a Movie Suggestion Of The Week. So each and every week I, and you the loyal readers, will be suggesting those rare gems that you may have missed and should definitely pick up on your next trip to Hollywood Video. If you're going to Blockbuster you have no taste anyway, just shoot yourself and get it over with. ;)

Man, what a slow news week. I picked a helluva time to come back. I would just start making up nooz but then where would that lead? To nowhere good, I know that! I'll do what I can and if the column is a little light this week then don't blame me. Blame yourself. It's your fault Hollywood isn't creating news. Buy more movie tickets and then we'll get more news.

Speaking of tickets. If you're a fan of action and cool shit then I suggest you go see xXx. Quite an exhilarating ride if you ask me. And even if you didn't ask me you still got an answer. Man, my readers sure are assholes sometimes.

Now onto the nooz!

 


 

What's Da Haps?
Resources: Dark Horizons - Cinescape - Coming Attractions - Aint It Cool News and various others.

So Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez are rumored to being on the verge of setting a date for a wedding. Does anyone else think this is an odd pairing? One used to sleep with P. Diddy and the other one starred in Selena.

Brad Renfro (Apt Pupil) has been cast to star along the two big baddies in the upcoming Freddy Vs. Jason movie which begins shooting in a month.

Zack Snyder, of...hell I have no idea, has signed to direct the comic book turned film MAGE. Filming is supposed to start in the spring of 2003. Yeah, this movie was supposed to be written by Kevin Smith and directed by F. Gary Gray like 4 years ago. I'll believe it when I've got the Matchstick up my ass.

Demi Moore has joined the cast of Charlies Angels 2. She will play a bad girl. Adding to the list of famous people I will not be seeing when I don't see this movie. Unless Bernie Mac plays Bosley. That will make Dave soooooooooooooooo happy!! ;)

The FX Channel has plans to turn the movie RONIN, which starred Robert Deniro, into a tv series. Here's hoping that they make it just as good as the movie minus the 2 hours of BORING SHIT!

Coors Brewing is now the official sponsor of Miramax films. Next time you go to a Miramax movie the carpet leading up to it may have a Coors logo. In a related news item Fritos are now the sponsor of me taking a shit. Each and every time I wipe it will be with a corn chip. Scoops of course. Yay sponsorship.

Angelina Jolie and Billy Bob Thornton have split up. That's right, it's official, you can now dream of screwing her again without having to think of Sling Blade getting in your shit. But seriously folks, this is a sad sad day. Hopefully the two will be okay after all the intense therapy they will have to go through. And by therapy I do mean all the laser removal of dumb ass tattoos that say things like, ANGELINA OWNS MY COCK, or BILLY BOBS BOOBS.

Oh goody! Fox TV is making a sequel to the Home Alone franchise. This being number 4 in the series. The film however will be made for television and will star a new kid in the lead. McCauley will however be making a return as a thief trying to break into the house to find his career.

They are making a sequel to one of the most underrated movies in the last decade or so, SNIPER. Tom Berenger will return, and joining him this time out will be Bokeem Woodbine. Look for this to go STV. At least they didn't replay Berenger with Scott Bakula.

Vin Diesel has scruples? Apparently the would be heartthrob turned down $25Million Dollars for the Fast and the Furious 2.

American Pie 3. Do I have to say anymore than that to make your eyes start to water as you begin to yell out, "WHY, GOD? WHY????".

Steve, the Dell Guy, has been tapped to play the younger 'Harry' in a Dumb and Dumber sequel. It will be called "Straight To Video".

Catherine Zeta-Jones to play Flint? Well yes, but not THAT Flint. Another spy type character named Flint. Grace Flint. Based on a series of novels by that name.

Guillermo Del Toro is attached to direct the upcoming Universal remake of 1954 sci-fi feature "Creature From the Black Lagoon". Or "How to make a movie with an unoriginal plot based on a movie that was only good for a Who Peed In The Pool Poster."

Don Cheadle will be making a 4 episode appearance on E.R. this season. Sorry, guys. Not even that will make me watch that show anymore. Give me whatever is on after C.S.I. instead.

Harrison Ford and Josh Hartnett are teaming up to do a movie about two cops taking down a crooked Hip Hop Record Company mogul? WHAT THE FUCK? Ok, who took Harrison Fords brain and what do you want for it in return? I have a gem I like to call Freddie Prinze Jr. that you can have. Hell I'll thrown in a Matthew Lillard as well.

 


 

They come before the movie, so why are they called Trailers?

The Red Dragon - Ed Norton - Anthony Hopkins - Ralph Feines
Full Trailer - In Quicktime

The Ring
Watch This Video and you will die in 7 days! - You'll need Quicktime if you wanna die.


How I Wasted My Life This Week - The TV Report

So while I was gone The Dead Zone has been picked up for a second season! Quite an accomplishment considering the show was set to premiere in the fall of last year on UPN and was pushed out of their rotation. If you haven't seen it yet I suggest you jump on the bandwagon now.

Other things keeping me interested have been Mission Hill on the Adult Swim line up. They just recently started airing the Oblongs as well. Quality shows worth checking out.

South Park is up to it's old tricks again. The old trick of making me laugh my ass off. Har Har Har. It's a good thing Matt and Trey are a lot funnier than I am.


 

Watch This! - Movies Suggestion of The Week

Alright, I am gonna kick off this little section here with a movie that's hard to find, but well worth it to relive the 80's and the BMX craze that gripped a nation. That movie my friends is..

RAD - (from IMDB)The story of Cru Jones, a young man who can overcome all obstacles that prevent him from participating in the BMX race "Helltrack." As he works towards his dream, Cru falls in love with Christian, an amateur racer. With the help of Christian and his friends, can Cru's "Rad Racing Team" defeat the top BMX factory rider, Bart Taylor?
--

The movie is not even available on DVD. What kind of fucking travesty is that? I suggest you browse through the action section of your video stores dwindling VHS tapes and bring home RAD and relive 1986 all over again. Trust me, if you do, you'll feel rad!

Watch The Trailer

My Rating for Rad - 3 1/2 *'s

Want us to run your own Movie Suggestions? Email me


That's it, guys and gals. I hope you enjoyed our little show, come back next week when I will be interviewing Vin Diesel. That's right. You know you won't want to miss it. See you then, and remember. Keep Jerkin'. Oh, shit. wrong column. Sorry. I'll see you at the movies. Wait, that's not me either. Kirk out. Shit! I'll get it right.. If you smellllllllllllllllllll what the Scott is cookin.. no no that's not it either. Oh well come back next week and I'll have it figured out....... Nanoo nanoo..no no.. damnit!


 

 

 

 



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